A Love So Loud- The Motions.

     For those of you who listen to Christian music, there is a song that was written by a gentleman that goes by the name of Matthew West called "The Motions." If you don't know it, I'm going to post some of the lyrics (I highly recommend you listen to the song as well) and that's what is going to get this post rolling for me on this Tuesday night.


This might hurt, It’s not safe
But I know that I’ve gotta make a change.
I don’t care If I break,
At least I’ll be feeling something.
‘Cause just okay is not enough,
Help me fight through the nothingness of life.

     I think we all grow accustomed to a routine. We do the same things every single day, then we get to the end of the day and wonder where it went. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned that before. But if we think about how we spent it, most of the time we'll realize it was on useless things. We spent twenty-four hours of the life we only get to live once, doing nothing. Going through the motions. Lately, I've gotten in my routine. That's why I'm not writing as much, that's why I don't feel as whole as I used to. The things that shouldn't matter, do. The things that should matter the most, are slowly creeping further and further down my to-do list. For example, I'm going on vacation in July so I need to get my body in tip top shape. I am transferring colleges so I need to make sure my transcripts are sent in and everything is taken care of. I have to make sure I am taking care of my body properly and as my doctor says "listening to it when it says to quit." I just got a new job and I'm stressed about money. That nothingness of life? It has caught up to me. It's kicking my butt. And I'm to the point that I need to break, I need to change, I need to feel something. Because Matthew West says it best-

I don’t wanna go through the motions,
I don’t wanna go one more day,
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me.
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking,
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions.

     It's really an amazing thing when you have people in your life that love God. It's an even more amazing thing when they can come together to talk about how much they do. My best friend, Kristen Stainback, held a bible study last night that I attended, as well as a few other girls. The topic of the discussion was the Samaritan woman at the well. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the story, Jesus was a Jew, Jews didn't associate with Samaritans, yet Jesus came up to this woman at the well. You can read the story in John chapter 4. The part of the story that hit me the hardest was when Jesus told the woman that anyone who drank from the water of the well would become thirsty again, but those who drink from the water He gives will no longer thirst. If I lied to you all, I wouldn't write this blog, so I'll be honest. I have been extremely "thirsty" lately..and not the kind of thirsty that the people around my age use the word for (I know what you kids are thinking lol). But I'm just missing something. And the more I talked last night, the more it hit me. I'm thirsty because I keep trying to invest myself in people, in things, in activities..and each time I leave feeling disappointed. Each time I'm left longing for more. But then I read this story, of this promise that Jesus said- that if we drink the water He gives us, we will no longer thirst.

No regrets, not this time,
I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind.
Let Your love make me whole,
I think I’m finally feeling something.

     It's really an unfortunate thing how easy it is to get sidetracked. It's absolutely mind blowing how quickly we can just forget things that matter and move on to other, less important, things. Not this time, I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind. If we truly soul search, If we examine our hearts through the eyes of Christ, our priorities will quickly change. We will realize what's important, we will realize how fulfilling it is when we drink from the word of God. How satisfying it is to indulge into His plan for our lives. And how time and time again, He forgives us when we search the world for the feeling that we can only get when we're diving head first into Jesus. Let's make it our promise this week to not go through the motions, to not spend another day without the fire of God burning through our hearts and setting our lips soaring with praise. 

I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking,
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions.

A Love So Loud- Selfishness.

     So many people have been asking me why I haven't written a new post lately. And my answer has been the same every single time..I can't find the inspiration that I need to write a heartfelt post. And while telling that to my best friend just now, I found my inspiration. Selfishness. 
     The reason I've been so uninspired is my selfishness. I remember my preacher said something one Sunday about how it seems like we have to keep having things happen in our lives to stay truly on fire for God. Like all that He does and all that He has made isn't enough? How is it that we are so selfish as human beings that we can't walk outside and just be inspired by the beautiful world? How is it that we are so selfish as human beings that we can't be inspired by a smile from a stranger? Who empowered us to believe that we are the ones who deserve to be inspired by things greater than what's typical in our day? Like it will only take a miracle or a job promotion or the big break you've been waiting for- to truly be happy.
     I'm guilty of this lately. I had surgery and I've been irritated about the fact that it has, and will continue to, change a lot of little things in my life. I donated my hair, my hair was my favorite thing in the world, and I'm sad that it's gone. WHAT? Is that living like Christ? Am I doing all I can be to bless the people around me with a Christ-like attitude? No. Not if I'm sitting around pouting about the pain I'm in and how short my hair is. I'm selfish. We are all selfish. And it took me reading Job to realize how absolutely ridiculous I can be when I let my human nature completely consume my heart. Because I can cry over how bad it hurts to move my legs, but at least I have them. And I can cry over how short my hair is but I couldn't imagine being the person on the other end of the donation.  
     Because ya see, I felt that God was pushing me away. I thought that God was testing me and trying to tear me down with all of the tiny things that kept building up in my life. But God is the same today as He was yesterday and as He will be tomorrow. And our God is so good. He isn't the one who changes, we are the ones who change. He doesn't ever go away. He's there while you turn your mess into your message. He's there when you feel like you have no hope. And He's there when your selfishness is too. He's there to show you that your problems aren't that bad. That your world really isn't caving in. And to show you that you're never alone. Cause even in your darkest hour, even on the days you can't find inspiration- God will wake you up. He will show you the beauty of the world, He will show you the kindness of a stranger. He will prove to you that you are loved. Because you are. We just have to stop being so selfish, and realize all that God inspires us with if we just take a step back and take the time to see it- cause life isn't all that stinkin' bad after all when we serve a God like ours. A God that showed the greatest act of selflessness by giving His only Son to die so that we, in all of our sin and selfishness, could have an opportunity at an eternal life. I think the challenge this week is for all of us to think before we pout about something selfish..because imagine what our world would be like if God had been.  


 "He must become greater; I must become less.” John 3:30 

A Love So Loud- Mackenzie's Testimony

My name is Mackenzie King and this is my testimony.


     When I was ten years old my mother was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Multiple Sclerosis is a neurological disorder, which means it affects the brain and its functions. This disorder has several effects but they all link back to legions on the brain. Some people who have MS may not be able to walk sometimes or move certain limbs of their body, and some people may get really bad headaches and stress out so bad they just have to be alone in quiet to ease the pain. The latter is the type of MS that my mother has. 
The past couple of months haven’t been the greatest and I’ve taken on a lot of responsibility. I have gone back and forth from home, to my grandparents, to my aunt and uncle’s dozens of times in the span of about a month. I’ve tried very hard to make sure my 14 year old brother is doing what homework he has, is transported to sports practices, youth group, and wherever else he needs to go, while making sure he has everything he needs. Between gas, food, transportation, etc, it got kind of expensive. I have a job but I make minimum wage and only get paid every two weeks.
     More importantly, I had become very stressed and tired. I started to have headaches about as frequently as my mom. A lot of stress/strain was put on our relationship. I was trying to balance school, work, musical practices, time with friends, getting ready for prom, and taking care of my little brother and it had gotten difficult. But at the same time, I was leaning on God more than I ever had. I began to pray and read my Bible more than I ever had. This really began to ease the distress I had been feeling. But I still felt a little discontent. 
My mom had always told me about tithing, or giving money to the church’s offering, and how God always rewards people who do that. Luke 6:38 says "Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap.” I was unaware of this verse exactly at the time, but I began to do so, and blessings were definitely “poured into [my] lap.”
     One week, I decided I would start tithing. I put about $4 in the offering that Sunday (10% of what I had) and prayed that God would use it. I felt like this was a necessary step and it is. A school week had gone by and I continued taking care of my brother, driving back and forth to his football practice, work, and practices of my own. I had almost forgotten that I had even given money in our offering, when Friday I was called to the office just as I was leaving school. I entered the office of our attendance clerk and without looking up she handed me a sealed envelope labeled “Makenzie King.” “Someone left this for you,” she said. I walked out of the office carrying this mysterious envelope and as I looked at it, I saw a twenty dollar bill. Strange. I opened it up and to my surprise found $30 entitled to me. I was amazed. The very week I started tithing I spontaneously receive money and I didn’t even know who it was from. I left school with a huge smile on my face and feeling blessed as ever. 
     But it only gets crazier. The following Sunday, I tithed again, this time about $7 (10% of what I had). I didn’t expect anything else to happen and I was pretty content with the $30 I had received the week earlier. But boy, was I ever wrong. That Tuesday, I was called out of my second period class to report to the office again. I made my way down there without the thought of what happened the week earlier even crossing my mind. I entered the attendance clerk’s office and again she handed me another envelope labeled “Makenzie King” in the same penmanship as the one I had received the week earlier. “Who is leaving me these!?” I asked, absolutely stunned. She shook her head, looking just as astonished as I, “I have no idea. I went to the bathroom and when I came back it was just laying on my desk.” I shook my head in amazement and left the office. I had gotten about halfway up hall 1 when I realized I hadn’t even checked the envelope out. I stopped in my tracks and began to unseal it. My jaw dropped and my hand immediately covered my mouth when I saws the first hundred dollar bill; yes, first. I took the contents out of the envelope and to my surprise had been given $400. Tears immediately began to well in my eyes as I started to cry. Amazement, thankfulness, gratefulness, comfort, and absolute awe were just a few emotions running through me, but confusion was not one. This was a God thing.
     God promises to always stay true to His word. When he says he’s going to always take care of us, that’s exactly what He means. I received a text message this past week saying that someone had anonymously ordered and paid for graduation invitations as well as name cards for me. Is it from the same person? I’m not sure. I’m not sure who any of it is from. No one had seen me put money in the offering at church or really had any idea of what I had been going through. But were they sent by God? Absolutely. This is without a doubt a miracle and has taught me that even through hard times God is there taking care of us. I know I can always trust God and because of this I will forever put my full faith in Him and know that there’s hope. Sometimes, mercies really do come in disguise.

A Love So Loud- Plans.

     I fell in love with the game of basketball when I was in the sixth grade. It consumed every single part of my life. I woke up thinking about it and I went to sleep knowing how excited I would be to play again the next day..basketball was my life. Some of you reading this might know just a little bit about my career, but for those who don't- I really grew into my role as a leader and a teammate my Junior year of high school when three of the greatest players in Lady Royals history, graduated. And because of that, I had to come up with some sort of a plan to keep winning. I had to figure out how to make my team better, how to make me better, and most of all I had to figure out some way to get me into college to play this game that I had grown to love so much. And to those of you reading that know anything about how my Junior year went, you know that my plan didn't work..we won 8 games total- I knew it was time to reevaluate. I had to think of some other way. I started to work harder, and I started to become a better player, a better teammate, and we became a better team my Senior year. In October of that year, I got my first offer to play college basketball- and at the time I don't think I had ever been that happy. I remember exactly what I was thinking, where I was standing, what I was doing, and I remember how pumped I was to even have an offer. I remember how good it felt knowing that someone truly believed in me. I signed to play college basketball for St Catharine College in November. I was entering a program full of amazing people who I had just met, I was playing for a coach who would become a lot more like a part of my family and I knew that I fit. I knew that this was the plan, and it felt good.
     August came flying in and before I knew it I was off to college, I was so excited to start reaching my full potential as a player and I couldn't wait to see all that was in store for my life. Conditioning was the worst thing that I had ever gone through, but I pushed on, I worked hard because that was where I wanted to be. October came again, and one day during the very first drill in practice, I took a bad step. The pain immediately began, and it wasn't a typical injury. My knees felt good, so did my hamstrings, but my groin and everything central to my body was on fire. Athletes get hurt, it's a part of it..but this was different, something was really wrong..of course I kept on going. It took me a while to fit into my role in college, but like I said earlier, when I found it, I knew that I fit. I played with this same intense pain from October to December, I began to develop a limp, I took four ibuprofen before practice and games and during the day to try to kill some of the pain but nothing worked. I knew it was time to go to the doctor, I knew that this was more than just a tweak that would heal. The first three doctors I visited told me that I had Osteitis Pubis, which I have mentioned before, and that it was chronic, there was nothing I could do. I was devastated because I was comfortable and I fit..and then my plan had to change. I quit basketball last summer, I didn't want to disappoint anyone by being a player that couldn't produce, I didn't want to be a waste of money or a waste of time. I went to the community college for a semester, but I constantly found myself wondering how things were going at St Catharine, how the team was, how my coach was. I missed it, I missed it a lot. Like I said in my first post, I was blessed enough to be able to go back this past semester because my coach and I came up with a plan. I got to pick a basketball back up for about three weeks before I realized I couldn't do it anymore, I had to be a redshirt and I hated every single second of it. So now that the background has been laid down, let's get to the point of this post.
     I don't know if you all have noticed the common theme, but every single time it was my plan that failed. I thought I had it figured out and God smacked me in my face and put me on my butt and I wonder how I could ever think that my plan would actually work, because it won't. We get so torn up about things that don't work out because we invest our hearts and our time into them, like I did with basketball, and most of the time they don't end up how we had planned them to. The awesome thing about all of this though, is that God's plan for us are so much greater than our plans for us. I can always reference back to Romans 8:28 or Jeremiah 29:11, but we all know those verses. We know that God has a plan not to harm us, we know that all things will work together for good for those who love Him. We know that. So why don't we put that into action? Why don't we ever just fully trust and submerge ourselves into the ocean of God's unending love? Because we're scared. We're scared of not having our plan.
     On Monday, April 30th, I went to meet with a surgeon about my injury. He told me I could have surgery, he told me I would be better with a lot of rest and a lot of hope- and that I was going to be okay, it would just take time. Time, that I knew, I didn't really have when it came to basketball. And my plan, once again, had to change. I had been praying a lot about my future, I needed to know what God had in store for me, I needed to know what I should do. I came to the conclusion this past Wednesday when I drove away from St Catharine for the last time as a student with tears streaming down my face. Because ya see, God has a bigger plan for me than basketball. He has the whole time. And He was patient in letting me keep choosing to do what I wanted to do. He made my body weak so that my faith could soar, He made my muscles tired so that my hope could be renewed. He made my heart strong, so that I could be okay with the decision I had to make. 
     Because plans change, but our God never will. Our plans fail, but our God has never failed us. And even after losing something I loved so much, I know that it's all part of His plan..and His plans for me make mine look pretty small. His plans for all of us who believe in Him, go far beyond anything we could imagine. So if you are struggling today because things aren't going the way you thought they would- look up. Smile at your Creator, and know that there are better things coming your way..because there are.


"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

A Love So Loud- Testimony Pt. 2

My name is Kenton Murphy, and this part two of my two part testimony.

The unknown.

Everyone reads that and it is probably one of our greatest fears in life. What lies ahead in the next minute, day, week, month, or year? Even though we question “the unknown” we still expect better days with no troubles or worries, but that’s not the case. In my last post I wrote about my experience with cancer, but what I experienced after my battle with cancer has also had a large affect my life.

With the unknown, comes death. We don’t like it and we all fight it everyday, but unfortunately we eventually come face to face with this phenomena with people we least expect.

For me, the unknown hit me hard with the loss of my dad on February 7, 2011.

*For those doing the math from my last post...yes, my dad died 364 days after I found out I had cancer*

I’m at a weird spot with the acceptance of what comes with death. On a daily basis I smile and think how lucky I was to able to get to experience 19 years with my dad, but on the same days I feel remorse and at one time, anger. Remorse in the fact that it was ONLY 19, and not 20+. I think about how much my dad will miss out on and how much I still needed to learn from him. Everyday I come to terms with the loss because it is a continuous growing process that will probably last my entire lifespan.

I also said anger. I can’t deny that right after he passed away that a little part of me was hurt by what God was putting me through again a year later. I kept questioning why this was happening to me and what was the point in trying so hard if the world is going to be ripped right from underneath you. Please don’t read that as me giving up on God or my faith because that isn’t the case at all. I was questioning what was happening, something NOBODY should do. Questioning what God has in His plans is not for us because we need to realize the bigger picture of life. We have to continue into the unknown, without fearing or worrying about it. Us fearing the unknown is us questioning what God is doing for us and His ultimate plans for us.

Through my dad’s death I learned a valuable life lesson that I’m sure that God wanted me to learn. Make a difference. Every breath we take is an opportunity to make a difference, but most of us are to busy wasting it on questioning the unknown. I’ve been guilty of this all my life, but it hit home when I lost my dad. The unknown was right in front of me and I was still questioning. This isn’t what God wants us to do. He wants us to live in the now and make a difference in the world. I was able to get a grip on this concept days after my dad’s death because I was able to see the impact that he’d had on so many lives on his time on Earth.

Remember, quit worrying about the unknown and put all your trust and love into God and He won’t lead you wrong.

One last thing...have you made a difference today? 

A Love So Loud- The Pool.

     I've never had a blog post rant. This is a blog post rant. So fasten your seat belt folks, cause I'm going 0-100 in .2. 

     I need to know the answer to some of life's questions. I need someone to tell me. This isn't judgmental, this isn't me condemning you, this is an attempt at understanding you and and attempt at examining myself. I NEED to understand, it won't leave my mind, I have to get this out.

     I have mentioned so many times that in our lives we are searching for something. We are searching for the truth in a world full of lies. We are searching for love in a world full of lust. We are searching for comfort in a world that brings us down. We are searching for solutions in a world that gives us problems. I could go on and on, but I don't need to. I need to know why we do this. See, as humans we complain that we don't know what is going to happen. We complain that love hasn't found us. We complain that we're always down in the dumps. We complain about everything. So let's back up and figure this thing out together..ready for it?

     Why are we searching for truth instead of knowing The Truth? Why are we searching for love instead of getting lost in His love? Why are we searching for comfort, when His arms are outstretched holding us? Why are we searching for a solution when we have The Answer? I was just talking to my best friend about a part of this, and that's what sparked this post. We need to examine ourselves from the inside, out.. and we need to start now. See, we can complain about all of this- all of these things that aren't going right and all of the stuff that makes us unhappy but like I just said in the post before..our problems are typically self made. 

     This might come off a little hard, and I hope that no one stops reading because of some of the things that I've said so far..but someone needs to say it and I feel like it has been put on my heart. We hate change, but we should hate who we are without Christ, more. We should hate that so much that we are willing to accept the changes that need to be made in our life. We need to become a pack of Jesus Freaks. We need to be the change in our generation..because let's face it, things aren't getting any better. And we want to complain about it, but we don't want to fix it. 

     You know those days, because I know we've all had them..it's scolding hot, middle of the summer, and there is a huge pool awaiting your arrival somewhere. You finally get there, you see the pool, you get pumped about it- and then we do that thing..you know? Where you put your toe or your finger in the water and you think that it's way too cold to get in. It doesn't matter how beautiful it is outside or how inviting that pool looks, you choose to go in because of how uncomfortable that water will make you..air conditioning is just so much easier. 

     Don't you get it? WHO CARES if it is cold. WHO CARES if it's uncomfortable. It's life! And it's supposed to be cold, and it's supposed to be uncomfortable but it eventually feels normal, it feels like it's what you're supposed to be doing. The possibility of being uncomfortable shouldn't keep us from doing a cannon ball right into the deep end. Because like I said, we want to complain about all of these unknowns in the world, but do you realize all the signs we are given? We have a book FULL of answers and all you have to do is open it up? It's like seeing that big pool right in front of you, and going inside? Why? Dive in! Do a stinkin' cannon ball! Don't sit in the AC because it's easy..because the thing about AC, is that it comes at a pretty high cost. 

     The point is- unless you enjoy being lost and searching for something more..it's time to surrender to the One who makes it all make sense. It's time to be more than what this world wants you to be. It's time to stop letting things define you. It's time to define yourself through Him.

     

Come close to God and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. - James 4:8

A Love So Loud- Letting Go.

     I'm going to do my best not to take things from the heart break post and add them to this one, but I received a text from a friend a few days ago and she needed to read something to help her move on and help her let go. So I guess this is kind of a post for all of you who are stuck. You're close to moving on, but you can't quite get there yet. You feel it on the tip of your fingers, but you don't want to reach out and grab it.
     Just like I've said in so many other posts, we are all very much human..and sometimes it's hard to trade in memories. It's so hard to just forget and be okay. My question for you today though- is it worth losing your happiness? How many times are you going to have to have your heart broken? How many times is he or she going to have to leave you for you to get that this isn't the way things are supposed to be? That you deserve more? Because you do, and you'll find it..but part of letting go is believing that. It's believing that you're going to be okay even when you're at your lowest point. It's trusting that God is holding your heart, that He doesn't want to see you hurting anymore. That you're "safe in His arms".
     And even to those of you who aren't struggling with a relationship..those of you who are angry at your boss for making you stay late for work. Those of you that are in a fight with one of your closest friends and you don't know how you'll ever forgive them. Us college kids who can't seem to find the time to breathe and be happy between finals and last minute homework. We have to learn to let go of all of this negativity that consumes our life. I know it's hard to be happy all of the time, I'm not. I know it's hard to see the positive in every situation, I don't. But we have to try. Because what's the point in harvesting all of the bad. No one reading this can tell me that they LOVE the way it feels to be mad or discouraged, because we don't, yet we bring it upon ourselves and we let the emotions linger.
     I realize that this is a short post, but I don't think there's much else that needs to be said. Letting go is such a personal decision and I can't hammer anything into your head. But I think all that really needs to be said is what I tell myself every single day- when old memories come flooding back into my head, when I realize that I'm being negative and I can't find my happiness..and that is;


1. Trust that God has a bigger plan.
2. Trust that God is for you.
3. Trust that God won't give you any pain that you can't handle.
4. Learn to love what is good for you.
5. Get better, not bitter.
6. Is this really worth it?
7. Being negative won't help you make progress.
8. Most of our problems are self made problems.
9. When you hit rock bottom, you can only go up.
10. You. Will. Be. Okay.


So hey you, yes you. If you're having a bad day, let it go and turn it around. If you can't get over your ex, let them go and wait for the one who was meant for you. If your boss is on your very last nerve, let it go because you don't know what they're going through either. Life is better when you see the good in it. But you can't see the good until you let go of all of that that keeps you down.




"But forget all that-- it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new.." -Isaiah 43:18-19 (NLT)